Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
