so explain again why im purple
no
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
where are my eyebrows?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
