I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
