I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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