Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
