I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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