i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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