So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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