either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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