he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
