at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
