absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
