guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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