Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
