so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
