Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
