Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
