He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
