rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
