the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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