Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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