There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
