no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
