I think I am morally bankrupt
Too much gin, very little bucket
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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