So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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