It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
