can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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