I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
