So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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