Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
