I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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