I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
