he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
