You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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