and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
