First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
