Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
