Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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