I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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