You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
