the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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