Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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