i jhust puked up my retainher.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
