Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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