Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
