walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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