I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
