what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
