Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
