Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
People in love make me want to vomit
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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